5 Sure-Fire Ways to Lose Weight During the Holidays

Studies show that Americans pack on two- to three-pounds during the holidays. What a bunch of wimps! I can do that in a weekend. Haven't these so-called "Americans" ever heard of fried turkeys? Sweet potato pie? 5-cheese mashed potatoes with cheese gravy?

Like most, I look forward to celebrating this sacred holiday by tithing heavily at Best Buys and other major retailers. And this year I've had lots of opportunities since retailers started decorating for Christmas before Halloween. Who doesn't enjoy hearing Christmas carols ringing gaily through the store while buying suntan lotion in July? Without that reminder, I just might forget that Christmas is coming; that is, if every radio and TV commercial didn't remind me that the best way to show someone I care this holiday season is by giving big gobs of my money to a store. This year I plan to avoid the hassles of shopping and just send my money directly to the stores. Maybe I'll send a JCPenney's giftcard to Macy's and visa versa.

But getting back to the diet tips, I have indeed found a way to actually lose weight during the holidays, during vacations, and during any other time that you might want to actually enjoy food. Grab a pen and paper, you'll want to write this down:

1) Eat with a vegan.
2) Eat with a vegan.
3) Eat with . . . . oh, you get the idea.

Vegans are people who for health or ethical reasons do not eat meat, dairy or any food with actual flavor. They do eat something made from bean curd that they laughingly call, "tofurkey." It's well known that tofurkey is a leading cause of convulsions among friends of vegans who unwittingly have tried this "food," so, you see, it's not really a laughing matter.

This year, I celebrated two Thanksgivings; one filled with sugar, butter and lard the way our forefathers intended, and one with my vegan partner, Prof. Wonderful. Let me be clear - I am very grateful to have Prof. Wonderful in my life. But I am also very grateful that King Sooper's was open on my way home so I could truly start the holidays in style - with chocolate-covered Ritz crackers. Yes, this really is at a supermarket near you this holiday season! My heart almost stopped when I saw them; and that was before I ate them! And yes, everything does taste better on a Ritz. Geez, maybe I should give that tofurkey another try.

What happened?!?

There I was, cheerfully planning how I was going to be Fit by Fifty! That was in May. And then came my birthday. Even if you're dieting, everyone knows you get to have cake on your birthday. Nothing wrong with that, except . . .

I ran out of ice cream before I ran out of birthday cake, so I had to buy more ice cream. What's a girl to do? Next, I was out of cake but I had some ice cream left. Had to get some brownies to go with the ice cream. This makes complete sense somehow in my mind.

Then, after all the sugar, I needed to cleanse my system and everybody knows salt is an excellent cleaner. Just check out any "natural cleaning" blog; you'll see. I chose my salt in the format of potato chips. But they looked so sad and bare so I bought them some dip. (This also added food groups to my daily snack - now I had vegetables, dairy and MSG (well, the government might as well declare it a good group; it's in everything!).

This cycle has continued until . . . just now. When I tried to get a pair of jeans on - and they are already THE FAT JEANS. OK, here we go again!

DIETING TIP: Do not try on jeans after ingesting a Family-Sized! bag of Fritos.

Hummus Among Us

This week I wanted to prepare a delicious picnic lunch for my boyfriend, Professor Wonderful. Only one problem - he's a vegan-plus. Not content to be just a vegan, which roughly translates as a person who can never order off the 99-cent menu at a drive-thru, he's also cut out sugar, salt, fat and dairy from his diet. He claims it makes him healthy. I know it makes me crazy.

I love black beans, so black bean dip sounded like a good picnic starter. Not wanting to let things wait until the last minute, I began hunting for the can opener for the sugar-free, no-salt added, organic black beans 10 minutes before Prof. Wonderful was due to arrive. I couldn't find it anywhere - not in the cutlery drawer, not in the dishwasher, not under the sofa cushions or behind the bedroom pillows. I started to panic but being a woman of action I went to the next step - cutting up the onion (organic, of course). One cut into the onion and my eyes started to sting, two cuts and my nose started to run. The smell of sulphur was overwhelming but I'm courageous - I kept cutting, even as my mascara ran in great black rivers down my cheeks. I wondered why police use tear-gas when organic onions are so cheap and easily available?

I soon gave that up and decided to cut up the cilantro. Oh yeah, problem there too. I don't actually know what cilantro looks like and there was no one to help me in Organico food store, so I ended up buying parsley instead. It's green and leafy, much like I assume cilantro is, so it seemed like a good choice.

When Prof. Wonderful arrived I greeted him at the door looking like I was made-up for an Ozzy Osbourne concert and handed him his picnic lunch - two cans of unopened black beans and some cut parsley and killer onions. He pretended not to notice the new "look" and brought in the homemade hummus because store-bought - at 3 grams of fat per serving - is too high in fat and salt. Yes, you read that right and yes, he's a bit off the deep end. (Let the sympathy letters to me begin). And we eat the hummus on either unsprouted, no salt, no fat, no taste cardboard - which he calls "bread", or no fat, no salt "chips."

Prof. Wonderful is very much into recycling and sometimes I really wonder if his recycling includes passing off old pieces of cardboard as chips and bread. He claims no, but you gotta wonder . . . As for me, I'm headed for a Happy Meal - extra salt and fat, please!

STRATGEGY #5:
Don't be like me and wait until the last minute to prepare a gourmet picnic. Start at least 15 minutes before guests arrive.

AFFIRMATION #5:
I move toward my new way of eating with ease, grace and laughter.

Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!

Regrets, I've had a few

It's been a few days since I've written because I've been getting ready to get ready to change my lifestyle. Right now I am filled with regret for what I have not experienced in life - a Big Mac that was actually hot and tasty, the newest brands of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, steak tartar - well, maybe not that.

But thinking about everything that I won't be eating when I start toward being Fit by Fifty has filled me with longings and cravings I thought long-gone. Last week I experienced the wonders of Del Taco and Jack in the Box while I still could. Truth is, I haven't been missing much, but that didn't stop me in my quest.

I've always wanted to try the pimento cheese spread from King Sooper's. Cheesy deliciousness! But is it better on tortilla chips or potato chips? Warm or cold? Inquiring stomachs want to know! I filled my grocery basket with everything I saw that looked delicious. Then I just stared filling it with anything that looked edible that might not be allowed on my diet. Marinated olives, potato skins - the grocery store have made otherwise healthy foods unhealthy and I am lovin' it! As I chow down, I think about the months ahead and the healthy foods I will be eating. I consider saving the cardboard boxes of the new Pillsbury Savorings that I have been trying one by one (all of them Rock!), thinking the cardboard can be prime snacking material - full of fiber and just as delicious as any fat-free, salt-free rice cracker I've ever tried. Chocolate cheesecake, I hardly knew ye! My birthday isn't til next week - I gotta make another run to the store.

STRATEGY #4:
Recycle the empty pizza boxes and soda cans before you tell family and friends about your new endeavor to be Fit by Fifty!

AFFIRMATION #4:
I choose to eat foods that taste delicious and nourish my body.
Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!

Valerie or Kirstie?

Middle-aged men around the country who had crushes on pixie-cute Valerie Bertinelli in their youth mourned when they learned that alas, she was human and gained not just a rock star husband but weight as she grew older.

I personally felt a bit of secret glee when I first saw her on the Jenny Craig commercials. I mean, come on. Absolutely adorable as a teen, in a hit TV show, marries a rock star, has a terrific son. Every guy I knew in high school had a crush on her. By secret glee I mean walking around home and office saying, "Hey! Valerie Bertinelli is fat!" "Did you see her picture? She's FAAAT." I really liked that when I held her picture up it hid a little bit of my fat.

Then last week I saw her bikini picture. Now it's my turn to mourn. She's baaack. Gorgeous, buff, and happy with life even without the rock star husband. She's modeling on a surf board and I want to hide behind it.

Worst of all, Kirstie Alley, the woman who got Valerie on board with losing weight, admitted yesterday on Oprah that she put on all the weight she had lost and more. Kirstie took to her bed for 24 hours after seeing the newest pics of Valerie's blazin' bod. I feel like doing the same, but sadly I don't have any servants who will fetch me french fries and soda while I mourn.

Now, I have a choice. Do I want to be Valerie or Kirstie? The difference between the two is that Valerie kept working. Kirstie moved her workout equipment out of her home into her garage and never looked at it again. Valerie kept working. Kirstie stopped counting calories and began to eat what she wanted, not what her body wanted. Valerie kept working.

So, which do I choose? Fit or Fat? Which do you choose? Valerie's way sounds like a lot of work to me. Chocolate helps me think. I think I'll work my way over to the fridge and get some chocolate to help me think. Note to self: How many calories are burned off by walking from the computer to the fridge? Perhaps skipping over would help my calorie-burning count for the day. Ingenuous!

STRATEY #3: Find people who motivate you and copy what they do. Who inspires you? Valerie is certainly an inspiration. But what about somebody who motivates you for the way they live their life? For how they show up in this world? On a poster board or in a notebook, put in pictures of people who motivate you. What do they do that you want to? Be a copy cat. Live "as if" you are that person. It's fun and it opens to you the possibility that you can indeed life a rich life, even if you haven't married a rock star.

AFFIRMATION #3: Today I am inspired to live my best life.

Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!

The Countdown Begins

388 days until I am Fit By 50!

My 50th birthday wishes: Only one chin, less wiggle when I walk, more vitality when I hike, for the doctor to smile at me instead of frown when I come in for my physical. Right now, Dr. Pepper is the only doctor who approves my diet.

Today I am at Step 1 of Change. I am considering what I have to give up to be Fit by 50! McDonald's, brownies, french fries, ice cream all come to mind. Am I really ready to give them up? And do I have to give them up completely to be successful? Is it to possible to eat healthy most of the time and take a quick hit of fries when needed? Is it possible to lose weight while sitting on my couch eating a brownie and watching other people do it on Infomercials?

I need to contemplate this and grieve what was before I can embrace what can be. I believe I can best do this with some brownies. Please excuse me while I go to the store. Ghiradelli's dark chocolate rocks! (All part of the grieving process, I assure you.)

STRATEGY #2: Release the old before you begin the new. Realize that every change - even those we want - means we are giving up something in our lives. Before making the change, give yourself time to release the old.

AFFIRMATION #2:

I release old patterns that no longer serve me. I move forward with joyful anticipation.

Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!

Transforming from fat to fit

In 2010, I, along with millions of other Baby Boomers, will be turning 50 (please allow me to pause and take a deep breath). I don't even understand how that happened, let alone how I managed to be fat throughout my entire 40s. And it's not just the, "I think this car makes my butt look big," or "These bangs make my face look fat." It's actually my doctor (who is no size 6 herself) looking at me sternly and saying, "Your weight puts you at high risk for diabetes, heart attacks and strokes."

My cholesterol numbers are where my credit score should be, my ass-ets are blooming beyond what I can charitably call the middle-aged spread (and who wants that anyway?) and I'm ready to go from fit to fat. Except I want to do it without changing anything I eat or starting to exercise. Can you relate?

The truth is, I am ready to stop whining and and start creating the body I want. A body that is strong, flexible and will support me when I am hiking, shopping or even carrying my groceries. Why is it that a bag filled with potato chips, dip and soda weighs a lot less than a bag filled with pesticide-free garbanzo beans? But I digress . . .

This blog is a cheap way to find encouragement from complete strangers. It is also a community where we can support each other, share best practices and find out what works for real people - how we can stregthen our bodies, our minds and our spirits together.

Are you ready to be fit by 50? Together we can do it! I have 55 weeks until I am 50 years old, which is about the number of pounds I need to lose. Join me in this transformation. Knowing that other people are checking on my progress might actually get me to bypass McDonald's. Knowing that you are getting fit by 50 too may keep me from picking up the Milano Double Chocolate cookies next time I'm at the grocery store (I like to hide them under the organic produce in case I run into anyone I know). Imagine what an impact we could make on our lives and the world if one million Baby Boomers committed to getting Fit by Fifty.

STRATEGY #1: Set an intent. Be very specific about what you want and how you are going to achieve it. Put it in writing and place it where you will see it many times a day. Example: "I choose to walk 15 minutes today and drink 8 oz. of water before every meal so I can be Fit by 50."Make tons of these. Put one on the bathroom mirror so you can see it as your trying to cover your excess with a towel. Put one on the box of cookies, cakes or other fun foods you've got in the house. Put one on the dashboard of your car.

AFFIRMATION #1: I am grateful for this amazing body that serves me in so many ways.

Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!