Hummus Among Us

This week I wanted to prepare a delicious picnic lunch for my boyfriend, Professor Wonderful. Only one problem - he's a vegan-plus. Not content to be just a vegan, which roughly translates as a person who can never order off the 99-cent menu at a drive-thru, he's also cut out sugar, salt, fat and dairy from his diet. He claims it makes him healthy. I know it makes me crazy.

I love black beans, so black bean dip sounded like a good picnic starter. Not wanting to let things wait until the last minute, I began hunting for the can opener for the sugar-free, no-salt added, organic black beans 10 minutes before Prof. Wonderful was due to arrive. I couldn't find it anywhere - not in the cutlery drawer, not in the dishwasher, not under the sofa cushions or behind the bedroom pillows. I started to panic but being a woman of action I went to the next step - cutting up the onion (organic, of course). One cut into the onion and my eyes started to sting, two cuts and my nose started to run. The smell of sulphur was overwhelming but I'm courageous - I kept cutting, even as my mascara ran in great black rivers down my cheeks. I wondered why police use tear-gas when organic onions are so cheap and easily available?

I soon gave that up and decided to cut up the cilantro. Oh yeah, problem there too. I don't actually know what cilantro looks like and there was no one to help me in Organico food store, so I ended up buying parsley instead. It's green and leafy, much like I assume cilantro is, so it seemed like a good choice.

When Prof. Wonderful arrived I greeted him at the door looking like I was made-up for an Ozzy Osbourne concert and handed him his picnic lunch - two cans of unopened black beans and some cut parsley and killer onions. He pretended not to notice the new "look" and brought in the homemade hummus because store-bought - at 3 grams of fat per serving - is too high in fat and salt. Yes, you read that right and yes, he's a bit off the deep end. (Let the sympathy letters to me begin). And we eat the hummus on either unsprouted, no salt, no fat, no taste cardboard - which he calls "bread", or no fat, no salt "chips."

Prof. Wonderful is very much into recycling and sometimes I really wonder if his recycling includes passing off old pieces of cardboard as chips and bread. He claims no, but you gotta wonder . . . As for me, I'm headed for a Happy Meal - extra salt and fat, please!

STRATGEGY #5:
Don't be like me and wait until the last minute to prepare a gourmet picnic. Start at least 15 minutes before guests arrive.

AFFIRMATION #5:
I move toward my new way of eating with ease, grace and laughter.

Affirmations are a powerful way to create what you want in your life. It's not enough to just say the affirmation, you've got to feel it. Feel the excitement, the joy, the passion as you are creating the life you want to live. Say this affirmation out loud until you feel its truth. Shout it until the neighbors think you are crazy. Say it while dancing around the living room. It's your life. Live out loud!